‘Thy will’ vs ‘free will’

““So fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly. Put away forever the idols your ancestors worshiped when they lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt. Serve the Lord alone. But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.””

‭‭Joshua‬ ‭24‬:‭14‬-‭15‬ ‭NLT‬‬

From the beginning of time, God chose to limit Himself to acting through and with His creation on the Earth. He gave us free will and chooses to be limited by it. That’s liberating! Never forcing us, because Love does not force. Liberating…and when you’re on the receiving end of somebody else’s free will choice, it can be heartbreaking. 

Free will is behind the reason that we live in such a broken world, because we were always free to choose. We were always free to choose something other than the One we were created for. The One Whose will we were always meant to choose. Our flesh and the enemy get in the way all too often.

Recently, I’ve been wrestling with the Sovereignty of God versus man’s free will. A few people independently heard the Lord say something very specific. Another few people, who hold the authority for making that decision, chose a different route. Whether they chose because of fear of man instead of fear of the Lord, whether they didn’t actually ask Him and used logic, whether they genuinely believe they heard something different doesn’t change the fact that the current situation does not look the way the Lord desired it to.

And.

He is still on the throne and He is still in control and His will can still be done. But for those who are impacted by the choices of others in the enactment of the will of the Lord, where does that leave us? Where does it leave us when the Lord tells us one thing and confirms it through others, and then the people responsible for giving the green light say no? What do you do when the Lord had a plan and man’s free will means that the consequences of that plan not being worked out will now be felt by a much larger number of people than just the ones initially involved? 

Travelling this road has drawn me back to Moses in the wilderness. In that time, 12 scouts were sent out to spy on the land the Lord had promised to give to them. (See Numbers 13&14). They returned with giant fruit! They returned with abundance! Two of them returned hearing the Lord say, “This is the promised land of milk and honey and, yes, there are obstacles to overcome, but the Lord has made away and He will fight for us.” Ten said, “There is giant fruit, but there’s also giants and we’re more terrified of the giants than we are trusting of our God.” And because of the choice of ten, millions of Israelites had to wander in the desert for 40 years…including the two who had heard the Lord rightly. Millions of people suffered because of the choices of ten. 

Yes, the Lord provided, miraculously so, with manna in the wilderness. Just enough every day is what the Bible tells us (Exodus 16:18). The Lord’s original and best plan was abundance of giant fruit in the promised land. He always had abundance for them. And because of the consequences of their choices, He was still with them – He was still the pillar of cloud and the pillar of fire, He still provided for them – But instead of the rich variety of choice and of abundance, they had manna…just enough. There’s no doubt it was miraculous provision and they saw the hand of the Lord, but they missed His abundance. They missed His MORE. They missed His BEST. They missed HIM. 

And what of Joshua and Caleb, the two who rightly heard the Lord? We don’t hear much of Caleb, but I take heart in Joshua‘s story. It was Moses and Joshua who tended to the Tabernacle – the tent of meeting. When Moses went in to be with the Lord, the cloud descended. Joshua was there somewhere. The Bible doesn’t tell us where, but it does tell us that when Moses went back to the camp, Joshua lingered in the aftermath of the presence of the Lord (Exodus 33:11).

I wonder how long it took Joshua to wrestle through what it felt like to know that the Lord‘s best was not what he was living in? To know that the Lord‘s best had been turned down because of a handful of people who walked in fear? I wonder at what point being in the presence of the Lord ministered to him enough that he was willing to say that he would choose to be there is His presence, rather than anywhere else? Because the presence of the Lord didn’t go into the promised land without them. It stayed with them in the wilderness. Joshua had seen and tasted what the Lord’s abundance could look like…and for 40 years he tasted an even sweeter gift of the Lord‘s presence up close and personal. Those millions of others did not.

I’m still wrestling. I’m still not okay with the choice of a few affecting the abundance of the Lord for the many. I’m reassured that His presence will still be here. AND I’m deeply grieving that His abundance will not. Right now, I need the presence of the Lord to minister to me, to move me from the grief of what could have been (what He truly desired) so that I can see the miracle of His provision where I am. Even though it wasn’t His best, He still provides. He’s still present. He still ministers. 

The Lord uses all things. Joshua was eventually the one who led the Israelites into the promised land 40 years later. All that time in the Lord’s presence was not wasted. He used it for preparation. The Lord knew it would be Joshua who led the people and He also knew that Joshua needed preparation to do that. Joshua had no idea! But something happened in Joshua in those 40 years that meant when the Lord commanded him to go and be strong and courageous, Joshua was still willing to give Him his YES. I believe submission and surrender over and over again were part of what happened. And in that, the Lord had room to comfort and heal Joshua’s heart.

Who knows? In 40 years time, maybe the abundance will come here too. And in the meantime, I choose the presence of the Lord…to minister to Him and allow my heart to be remade by Him in the process. To not minimise the pain, but to not allow it to consume me. To surrender to Him and linger with Him, until He says it’s time.

““I, I am the One who comforts you. Who are you that you should fear man, who dies, or a son of man, who is given up like grass?” But you forgot Adonai your Maker..”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭51‬:‭12‬-‭13‬a TLV‬‬