“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God and I trust him.”
Psalm 91:1-2
I’ve been wanting to write this for a while but felt it needed to be neat and tidy and “finished” before I could write about it. This morning, I was convicted by my own words about being willing to tell my story in the messy middle! So here it is…my thoughts to date…with no neat and tidy ending!
The past year has found me wrestling with some big decisions (some of which are not mine to make,) a lot of waiting and a number of variables which never appear fixed and are often unknown. At the same time, we’ve been in a global pandemic, leaving us locked down for the majority of that time and under very heavy restrictions for the rest. So my normal ways of processing things with others have been curtailed or forced into the less personal screen version of life which has become the norm recently.
There have been a number of times when the lack of certainty in the things I’m dealing with has left me feeling like life is dark. When waiting for answers and promises to be delivered upon has felt too much. As I’ve explored that darkness, it has a cold and shadowy feeling to it. Like I’ve been locked out, overlooked, forgotten.
As I’ve sought God during those times, I’ve felt His reassurance of who I am in Him and who He is. No direct relevance to the situations I’m dealing with, but more foundational and more rooting. Like He’s nourishing me at the core of my identity.
This past week, I’ve felt God inviting me to explore more of the shadow. Pictures are not the normal way I hear God speak, but I do have them occasionally. During a time of worship recently, God gave me a picture of a mountain with the sun rising behind it. It felt almost like how a child would draw a mountain with a definite peak. As I looked closer, it became clearer that this was the Eiger and I was looking at the North face with the sun rising behind.
The Eiger is a mountain I have had the joy of skiing underneath on a number of occasions. In fact, it’s the backdrop for where I met my husband so it feels very personal that God chose that particular mountain.
As I prayed into what the image meant, God showed me that the sun doesn’t break over the top of the Eiger until the afternoon. On the other side of the mountain, there are lots of places bathed in sun for many hours, whilst the North side is still in shade. That huge mountain casts a shadow over the pistes below. But I felt God say that whilst the North side is shaded and shadowed, it’s not forgotten. The snow on the North side is being preserved in the shadow of the mountain. Protected for the exact moment it’s needed. Protected, preserved, purposed and planned. It’s the perfect condition for when the sun breaks over the top of the mountain.
I felt God saying He shelters us in His shadow to protect us and preserve us until His timing is right for us to come out into the sun. The sun is where the promises are realised. But until then, we’re not in the dark and the cold. We’re not forgotten, overlooked and locked out. I’m not forgotten, overlooked and locked out. I’m being sheltered and protected.
And with that, I no longer felt cold. I felt warmed by the protection of my Father who loves me too much to expose me to the sun’s blazing rays one second before I am ready for them and they, for me. My Bible verse for that day was Psalm 91:1-2 above, which felt confirmatory.
As I’ve continued to pray into the shadows, I was led to Psalm 63:7 – Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
There is joy in the shadows (Ps 63.) There is rest in the shadows (Ps 91.) Serving Him and praising Him from the shadows provides some freedom. Less eyes means less criticism, more opportunity to be cheered on. Because if the only eyes on you are the Father who loves you, there’s love in shadows. And grace…so much grace!
This morning, I read a quote from Shelley Giglio. It said, “Your life needs to be built in dark hallways and in places that are hidden. That’s where the treasure is.”
In the shadows is not forgotten. It’s not unseen. It’s not overlooked. It’s seen by the One who matters most. It’s protected, invested in, built up on the inside. It’s rest. So I’m praying for the ability to rest in my time of shadow. Rest from striving, rest from overthinking. Rest from exposure. I know that my shadow time will not be wasted. God has done so much in me already and now I’m excited for what more He will do and how He will use this equipping when the sun breaks over the top of the mountain.
“Because you are my helper, I will sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.”
Psalm 63:7
Learning to Listen 