Rest

““Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.””
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭MSG‬‬

Rest is something I’ve always seen as inactivity and recouperation. I recognise it’s necessary and that I’m not always good at doing it. Or it’s about doing something different…a change is as good as a rest! You can rest whilst doing! Almost a year ago, someone was given the word “REST” for me, having prayed about what it was Father wanted to say to me. I thanked her and tucked it away. I didn’t reject it, it just didn’t fit with any other direction I was given at that time. At that time, God was relieving me of burdens I was never meant to carry and affirming who He created me to be. The week of retreat and encounter with Him I was just finishing was a place I saw as “rest”. I was thankful that, through that particular word, God showed how much He cared about my not-doing as well as my doing. 

Fast-forward four weeks. I was intentionally laying ministries I was involved in before God. He specifically confirmed my ministry as part of the worship team within my church, which was the first time I’d ever been truly sure it was His ministry and not just something I was capable of doing. I felt commissioned and re-envisioned in my role!

Three months after that, Father clearly asked me to stop being part of the worship team. For a period. No specification of how long or why. Given that this was a newly-confirmed ministry in my life, it took me somewhat by surprise. Nevertheless, I had asked and He had replied and so I felt it was my responsibility to follow His leading.

It’s awkward to have conversations that go along the lines of: “After I’ve met all of my current rota commitments, can you please take me off the rota as God has told me to take a break?” “That’s great! How long for?” “I’m not sure yet. Until He tells me to come back on!” “O…k….What do you have lined up in the meantime?” “Erm….nothing! I’ve no idea! I mean, it might be to free me to be available to do something else. Or to free me so that my husband can do something else. Or maybe it’s just to test my obedience….I’m not sure.” “But you are sure you’re meant to take a break?” “Yes…” Or the following: “I haven’t seen you singing up front lately. Are you ok?” “I’m great. God’s just asked me to take a break.” “Oh! How long for?” “I have no idea!” You get the picture!

Part of me still thinks it has a lot to do with my journey of trust. Learning to truly trust God has been a hard thing for me. I want to trust Him for xyz. Trusting Him….just trusting Him is a much harder concept.

I’ve tried a lot of reasons on over the past 8 months for this period of “pause” but none of them really fit. I had a couple of grand ideas about what I would do with the extra time but it turns out they were my ideas and, guess what? They didn’t really pan out!

A couple of weeks ago, I had an email from our Worship Director asking if I’d like to go back on the rota and saying he’d love to meet up and talk about what God had been doing and saying in this time. He’s been doing and saying quite a bit, but nothing in relation to this break! I went on holiday a few days later and I was specifically asking God what He wanted me to do and, again, what the purpose of this time had been. I felt very clearly that He brought me right back to that word from a year ago: Rest. But I haven’t been resting! I barely know how I would have fitted the worship team into the last 7 months of crazy (children leaving schools with all the productions and assemblies and discos and trips and transitions to new schools with additional needs considerations birthdays and and….)

REST. Father was very clear. I felt I must have failed if that was the point. I hadn’t rested any more than normal. My thyroid levels have been playing havoc with my energy levels and I’ve been exhausted…whilst doing less! What was I to do with that failure?

Our Father is so kind! He lead me on a journey through worship. He showed me that the definition of rest I had was true but incomplete. But, more importantly, in the purpose that word had been given to me and the purpose of stepping back from the worship team, my definition didn’t even come close!

A musical rest.

A rest in sheet music is not there to give you a break – in fact, I need to concentrate just as much (if not more!) during the rests! It’s there because the composition as a whole needs my instrument to stop playing for a period. The overall effect is of clarifying a phrase or another instrument or melody. It’s not there to be noticed by the audience or by the other musicians. It’s there for the benefit of the whole piece of music and at the will of the composer.

My “rest” was a pausing of this area of ministry for the benefit of the whole of my ministry, the whole of my life. It was for the benefit of the whole worship team and the other individuals within it. I’m not trying to over-inflate my importance, just that my instrument was required to rest for that period for the benefit of the whole piece.

It was never about stopping. It was never about doing less or being released to do more elsewhere. It was about my obedience to my Father without knowing the detail of why. It was about not using my instrument for the period of the Composer’s will and trusting His creativity and that the resulting effect would benefit the whole piece….of my life and the team I love!

I’m SO glad He didn’t show me this at the start! I would never have had to trust Him if He had. I’m still learning about trust. I’m still learning about Father’s kindness. But I’m so thankful I’m on this journey!